You know that moment when your child surprises you by remembering the steps to tie their shoes or pack their backpack for school? That spark of independence isn’t random – it’s executive function at work. These are the brain’s behind-the-scenes skills that help us plan, organize, manage time, regulate emotions, and make decisions.

But here’s the thing: these skills don’t appear overnight. Executive function grows gradually, starting in infancy and continuing through early adulthood. Some kids seem to master it easily, while others struggle with staying organized, following directions, or managing their impulses. If you have ever wondered, “Why can’t my child just remember their homework? –trust me, you are not alone.

For parents, teachers, and professionals working with kids, understanding how executive function develops at different ages can make a world of difference. It helps you set realistic expectations, provide the right kind of support, and, let’s be honest, breathe a little easier knowing that some struggles are just part of the process.

Let’s walk through what to expect at each stage and simple ways to nurture these skills along the way.

How Executive Function Skills Develop by Age

Executive function isn’t something that flips on like a light switch. It’s more like a dimmer, gradually getting brighter as kids grow. These skills build layer by layer, influenced by age, environment, and experiences. Knowing what’s typical at each stage helps parents and educators set realistic expectations and offer the right kind of support. 

Infants (6-12 Months): Early Foundations

At this stage, babies are little sponges, absorbing everything around them. Executive function is already at play, even in simple interactions, such as when babies begin to interact with the world around them.  

Key Milestones

• Recognizing familiar faces (early working memory development)
• Beginning to self-soothe with a caregiver’s help (emotional regulation)
• Tracking moving objects (attention span growth)

How to Support

• Play peek-a-boo to teach attention and anticipation.
• Use cause-and-effect toys like rattles and pop-up toys to spark problem-solving.
• Stick to consistent routines since predictability strengthens early brain pathways.

Toddlers (1-2 Years): Learning Through Exploration

Toddlers are tiny explorers, fueled by curiosity and a fierce sense of independence. They’re on a mission to test limits, try things their own way, and discover how the world works –  even if their methods aren’t always the smoothest.

Key Milestones

• Following one or two-step instructions (developing working memory and task initiation)
• Expressing strong emotions (emerging emotional control)
• Learning simple routines (building organization and self-direction)

How to Support

• Keep instructions simple, such as “Put your toy in the box.”
• Let them do small self-care tasks like washing hands or brushing their hair.
• Read interactive books and ask, “What happens next?” to build focus and flexibility.

Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Building Independence

This is where things really start coming together. Preschoolers are learning to control their impulses, follow rules, and problem-solve, but they still need a lot of practice. Their confidence is growing, and with each small success, whether it’s sharing a toy or figuring out how to zip their jacket, they’re taking important steps toward independence.

Key Milestones

• Following multi-step instructions
• Taking turns and waiting patiently
• Recognizing and labeling emotions

How to Support

• Use visual schedules, such as morning routine charts.
• Encourage pretend play to strengthen flexibility and problem-solving.
• Assign simple chores like sorting laundry or setting the table.

Primary School Age (6-11 Years): Growing Responsibilities

This is when executive function skills are put to the test in real-world situations. Homework, friendships, and extracurricular activities require more planning, organization, and focus. Kids at this age are juggling more than ever, and learning how to balance it all lays the groundwork for lifelong skills. It’s a time of growth, trial, and plenty of teachable moments.

Key Milestones

• Managing homework and school assignments with guidance
• Practicing self-discipline and following rules
• Estimating how long tasks will take (early time management skills)

How to Support

• Planners and checklists help kids keep track of assignments.
• Multi-step tasks, like making a sandwich, build sequencing skills.
• Role-playing social scenarios strengthens problem-solving.

Adolescents (12-18 Years): Preparing for Independence

Teenagers think they have it all figured out, but then they forget to turn in an assignment or show up late for practice. This is normal because their executive function skills are still maturing. Behind that growing independence, their brains are busy fine-tuning time management, self-monitoring, and decision-making skills, one late slip at a time.

Key Milestones

• Balancing school, extracurriculars, and social life
• Developing self-monitoring skills
• Practicing risk assessment and decision-making

How to Support

• Encourage independent scheduling while being available for backup.
• Teach prioritization by discussing what is urgent versus important.
• Use problem-solving discussions instead of jumping in with solutions.

Young Adults (18-25 Years): Full EF Maturity

Executive function skills do not stop developing in high school. They continue well into the mid-20s, helping young adults manage responsibilities, make decisions, and adapt to life changes. This is the stage where all the groundwork starts to pay off – though even now, they’re still learning how to balance independence with life’s new demands. Growth doesn’t stop; it simply shifts into real-world application.

Key Milestones

• Balancing work, school, and personal life
• Making long-term career and financial decisions
• Adapting to new environments and responsibilities

How to Support

• Encourage self-reflection on what is working and what is not.
• Talk about financial planning, budgeting, and saving.
• Teach stress management techniques like mindfulness, exercise, and structured routines.

How ADHD Affects Executive Function Development

For kids and adults with ADHD, executive function develops at a slower pace. While their peers might seem to naturally grasp organization, time management, or impulse control, individuals with ADHD may face extra hurdles. It’s not a matter of ability – it’s a matter of pace.

Research shows:

• 49 percent of ADHD students struggle to complete college compared to 59 percent of neurotypical students.
• Executive function skills develop 30 to 40 percent slower in individuals with ADHD, meaning a 15-year-old with ADHD may function like a 10-year-old in some areas.

Support Strategies for ADHD

• Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
• Use timers and alarms to help with time management.
• Provide visual schedules and checklists for organization.
• Encourage movement breaks to sustain focus.

Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts

Watching your child grow into their independence – bit by bit – is one of the most rewarding (and sometimes challenging) parts of parenting. It’s important to remember that executive function skills aren’t built overnight; they develop through everyday experiences, small successes, and yes, even the occasional setbacks. No two journeys look exactly the same, and that’s okay.

Takeaways:

• Executive function skills develop gradually from infancy through early adulthood.
• Growth continues into the mid-20s, and brains remain adaptable.
• Parental and educator support is crucial, and structured routines and clear expectations help.
• Kids with ADHD may need extra support to develop executive function skills.

How Can GEL Help Students Develop Executive Function?

Grayson Executive Learning (GEL) is a boutique Academic and ADHD\Executive Function Coaching practice that specializes in providing premium one-on-one academic coaching services to high school and college students with ADHD and executive function difficulties.

Click here to learn how we can help your student truly reach their academic potential while developing critical life and independence skills.

We look forward to serving you!